Kentucky Sports Radio

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Fake Strategery: Petrinozeit mit Brüno


Bruno, Football Expert

As our Football Wildcats prepare valiantly for battle against the Razorbacks, modern football history gives no guidance. The Wildcats have only played Arkansas four times, Some delusional Razorback fan thinks UK is applying to switch to the Ivy League so we can start winning conference games. For encouragement, Kentucky Sports Radio turns to an expert observer of men and fashion: Bruno, host of the “Funkyzeit mit Brüno” hit Austrian show.

Warning: Some videos and links may feature NSFW language and people being mislead. I even bolded this warning, so if you miss it, I don’t feel sorry for you.

So let’s talk about you Wildcats. You want big program. All southern men want big program, spend Saturdays watching overdressed men running on field. I have spent much time admiring big program in the gayest part of America: Alabama!

Perhaps if your Fake Gimel email last week, I could give inside scoop? I scout Alabama. Tell you who has firm pectoral muscles.

I review Wildcats. Great! I see them wrestle, grab and catch balls. They are athletic, maintain natural look. I review Piggy team, I call them the Piggy team to disrespect since you no like the team!

Let me make list for the Wildcat big program victory.

Better With Your Hands

I searched for Gay Hands and this is what I found

Your men have problems catching the passes. Their hands appear large and supple enough to catch passes, but do not. This is not all their fault, your ball-passer puts the balls in wrong places. Reach out, men! I know that your Dicky is gone; this is such a terrible shame. But young men who are left should be more handy, like Aaron Boyd. Passing doesn’t have to be perfect, but enough to keep Pig men from crowding line to stop running men.

I refuse to make Tight End joke for it is too tacky, stereotypical. Please.

Break Spirits of De Ferkels

Leave the Ferkels alone!

Ferkels on defense claim confidence. One Ferkel say, “I’d hate to be Kentucky this Saturday.” Pig defense still tutoring. Secondary men very young, fresh men. Arkansas Line men get pushed down easily on ground for run type plays. Time for Kentucky line men to teach hard and firm lessons!

On the great Daytona Beach I learn the young firm university men are foolish and pay little attention:

Perhaps Ferkel as foolish? Use fake plays, where pretend to hand balls to runners and instead pass balls. Hand balls to pass catchers? Use famous Eifel Tower play. Find holes and penetrate!

Eat Their Casey Dick!

The Biggest Dick in Fayetteville

Pig’s pass-thrower was supposed to be weak, limp. Now he is improving, growing. If Pigs do not protect their Dick, scoring will be nearly impossible.

Your Wildcats should apply pressure on Pig’s pocket. Must be careful in case Dick jumps out of pocket. Getting line back men or secondary men to jump on Dick isn’t always necessary; constant pressure by line men should be enough. At every oppotunity, slam pass-thrower to ground. Must “eat for lunch” as you Americans say!

I enjoy your big program sports teams. So, this is so long. Hopefully you will come see my blockbusting movie when it is finished. I wish you Spannferkel Saturday evening!

This is German Roast Pig

Fake Prediction: Strapping Virile Wildcats 20, Spannferkel 10

Edit: Haha, I did forget about last year.

Article written by The Fake Gimel Martinez

I may be fake, but my passion for UK sports is real. Probably put all my best work at Aseaofblue.com and firebilly.com, so go there when I start coasting here.

18 responses to “Fake Strategery: Petrinozeit mit Brüno”

  1. Red Rooster

    More like Lame-esque

  2. dbell

    Dude looks horrible in a suit

  3. UK81

    Last meeting was a win in Arkansas 2007.

  4. dennisfeltonsmustache
  5. scoretowin

    What a horrible post. Fake should be put on probation for this.

  6. drewky

    Never before have I typed “meh” and meant it so wholeheartedly.

  7. RememberTheMember

    GARBAGE! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!

  8. Hey

    We beat Arky last year

  9. Careless Bear

    How could you forget beating Arky on the road last year and shutting McFadden down in the second half… after like 220 yards in the first?

  10. Careless Bear

    Thanks for the Bruno Vids though, i forgot how damn funny those were, movie should be pretty good too.

  11. jsiegel82

    Seriously does anyone read these posts he makes or do you just skip over them like I should have done to this one.

  12. theheftylefty

    Nice post, jackass.

  13. flipisatrip

    i never read his garbage. i have never seen someone try to miserably to be funny.

  14. moeron99

    WTF! I used to think evan’s and beisner’s posts sucked, but this takes the cake.

  15. jrhehe2

    What contest did this guy win to be able to post garbage like this?

  16. Kentucky Roots

    I actually LOL’d at the “Must be careful in case Dick jumps out of pocket” part. You guys are crabby. Musn’t have gotten laid in a while like I did last night…

  17. jesco white

    Fake Jimmel, I like your post even though they have little to do with UK, and you have trouble tying it all together. When all else fails throw funny stuff in. Bruno is the funniest on the Ali G show. Seriously though how do some of you not find this funny ? Perhaps you are Gallagher fans.