As our Football Wildcats prepare valiantly for battle against the Razorbacks, modern football history gives no guidance. The Wildcats have only played Arkansas four times,
Warning: Some videos and links may feature NSFW language and people being mislead. I even bolded this warning, so if you miss it, I don’t feel sorry for you.
So let’s talk about you Wildcats. You want big program. All southern men want big program, spend Saturdays watching overdressed men running on field. I have spent much time admiring big program in the gayest part of America: Alabama!
Perhaps if your Fake Gimel email last week, I could give inside scoop? I scout Alabama. Tell you who has firm pectoral muscles.
I review Wildcats. Great! I see them wrestle, grab and catch balls. They are athletic, maintain natural look. I review Piggy team, I call them the Piggy team to disrespect since you no like the team!
Let me make list for the Wildcat big program victory.
Better With Your Hands
Your men have problems catching the passes. Their hands appear large and supple enough to catch passes, but do not. This is not all their fault, your ball-passer puts the balls in wrong places. Reach out, men! I know that your Dicky is gone; this is such a terrible shame. But young men who are left should be more handy, like Aaron Boyd. Passing doesn’t have to be perfect, but enough to keep Pig men from crowding line to stop running men.
I refuse to make Tight End joke for it is too tacky, stereotypical. Please.
Break Spirits of De Ferkels
Ferkels on defense claim confidence. One Ferkel say, “I’d hate to be Kentucky this Saturday.” Pig defense still tutoring. Secondary men very young, fresh men. Arkansas Line men get pushed down easily on ground for run type plays. Time for Kentucky line men to teach hard and firm lessons!
On the great Daytona Beach I learn the young firm university men are foolish and pay little attention:
Perhaps Ferkel as foolish? Use fake plays, where pretend to hand balls to runners and instead pass balls. Hand balls to pass catchers? Use famous Eifel Tower play. Find holes and penetrate!
Eat Their Casey Dick!
Pig’s pass-thrower was supposed to be weak, limp. Now he is improving, growing. If Pigs do not protect their Dick, scoring will be nearly impossible.
Your Wildcats should apply pressure on Pig’s pocket. Must be careful in case Dick jumps out of pocket. Getting line back men or secondary men to jump on Dick isn’t always necessary; constant pressure by line men should be enough. At every oppotunity, slam pass-thrower to ground. Must “eat for lunch” as you Americans say!
I enjoy your big program sports teams. So, this is so long. Hopefully you will come see my blockbusting movie when it is finished. I wish you Spannferkel Saturday evening!
Fake Prediction: Strapping Virile Wildcats 20, Spannferkel 10
Edit: Haha, I did forget about last year.