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January 17, 2008

Duke it out

by @ 2:30 pm. Filed under John W.

paulus1.jpg
sweet frosty tips dude

Sometimes I find myself hating Duke so much that I begin to wonder if I’m a threat to society. As en vogue as Duke hatred was, is, and forever will be from sea to shining sea, sometimes I’ll make an effort to rationalize my negative feelings. Go against the grain, and try to look at it from their perspective. Critical thinking at it’s core. This usually lasts a matter of seconds when thoughts of Laettner, Wojo, Coach K, and Sheldon Williams’ face come racing back into my conscience, and I’m back to my loathsome state. Then I watched the Duke/Florida St. (man, FSU has some athletes) game last night, and let me just say I will never waste one more second of my life not giving Duke the maximum allotment of hate they truly deserve.

Thanks to Deadspin for bringing this to the forefront, because I was beginning to wonder if my roomate and I were the only ones with functioning eyeballs watching the Greg Paulus Pussy Hour unfold:

Paulus’s shenanigans, cheap and douchey as they may be, aren’t even the worst part of this charade. That honor goes to the literally unbearable Mike Patrick, who is always so certain when he’s wrong that it makes me want to rip my own larynx from my throat and stuff it up my tailpipe because I’m so ashamed of the human voice. Even after watching these antics in slow motion replay, Patrick is unable (or unwilling is probably more fitting) to discern that Paulus was the one initiating both instances, and is doing nothing more than acting like a six year old girl who can’t find her “blanky” in time for the start of Hannah Montana. But it’s not just that turtle-neck-with-blazer-wearing-own-fart-sniffing-port-wine-drinking Mike Patrick guilty of such arrogant biasness. How about Billy Packer’s assurance that Duke’s Gerald Henderson “accidentally” caught Tyler Hansbrough with an elbow last season when it was clear to anyone watching one of the many replays that Henderson’s cold-cock was quite meditated. I realize it’s difficult to discern action on the basketball court when you’re face is buried in the lap of Coach K, but please, if you’re not going to at least pretend to be an objective professional and tell Coach K to take his hand off the back of your head, then quit polluting the airwaves.

Paulus is a vag, and Coach K is a bitch for teaching this bush league stuff. I’d love to watch the practice where he installs his bitchery:
Coach K: “Damn it Scheyer! What did I tell you to do when a large black man tries to tie you up?”
Scheyer: “Um, kick and scream and cover my nose as if it has been broken?”
Coach K: “Right, so why the hell didn’t you do it?! If you’re not going to be a bitch then I’ll just have to find someone else who can. Wojo, get in there and show them how a real bitch operates!”

Oh, Duke. Yet another reason why you indeed, suck.

45 Responses to “Duke it out”

  1. evan Says:

    They are absolutely unbearable. And, you’re right, Mike Patrick makes it much, much worse. In fact, he makes everything worse.

  2. GoCats Says:

    obviously we all are unbelievably biased but doesnt it seem that Duke always has a whiny kid that plays the scrappy
    dirty role that Coach K secretly loves? Hurley,wojo,paulus etc…

  3. Intern Says:

    #2, I wouldn’t put “scrappy” and “dirty” in the same category. Hurley was scrappy, and damn good. Wojo was scrappy, allbeit a bitch. Paulus is neither, he just sucks and plays cheap basketball.

  4. GoCats Says:

    how do the announcers not see that Paulus kicked another player??? they totally ignore Paulus kicking and go straight to saying lack of poise by Florida State!!
    Just when i thought i couldnt care about them I have more reasons to hate them

  5. floorgeneral22 Says:

    Never ceases to amaze me…..I had too much pride to fake being hurt, but I guess that isn’t a problem for Greggypoo. I always here commentators talking about what a “tough” and “scrappy” guy he is, but all I can ever think is “what a sissy”. It is interesting that you never see this in the girls’ game. Most of the womens’ players I know have WAY too much pride to act like someone hit them when they didn’t. Just once though, I want to hear an announcer call out a Duke player on his shenanigans. Paulus RAN INTO Reid, and FELL DOWN. If Reid had wanted to blast him I’m sure he could have. Truth is, even if it had been a live ball, I don’t think there was a foul there because Reid stayed vertical and didn’t even leave his feet. Threw a punch? Lets go ask Rudy Tomjanovich if that was a punch….

  6. bigsky Says:

    Mike Patrick’s play by play of duke games is just verbal fellatio of the duke players
    and coach.

  7. GoCats Says:

    Mike Patrick needs to be tied up and forced to watch that video over and over until he sees Paulus kicking the florida state player

  8. cats123 Says:

    As much as i hate DUKE, i have to say Coach K is a hell of a coach.
    What he does with what he has is amazing. His program is at the top
    every year. Oh well i still hate duke.

  9. mumbler Says:

    6- in GP’s case, that would be cunnilingus.

  10. ppatsweedman Says:

    In all this talk, everyone forgot to mention the biggest d-bag of them all…JJ Reddick…I think Scheyer is a bigger bitch than Paulus however

  11. TBoogie Says:

    I applaud Jay Bilas for being both a Duke grad, former coach, and the OBJECTIVE one in that whole conversation. He is by far and away the only person ever associated with that FUPA of a program that has any dignity and reasonability at all. Thankn God he basically said “Mike, you have not F-ing clue what you’re talking about.”

  12. TBoogie Says:

    best comment on deadspin: “who’s diving was gayer, greg paulus or greg louganis?”

  13. KYERIC Says:

    Good points, Intern. Duke has been playing these games for years and years. I really do think it is something that is taught to these players. I might even call it “gamesmanship” every once in a while, but seeing the Duke players acting like spazzes on every play and calling it “hustle” is total bull$#!t.

    Thanks for calling their pansy asses out.

  14. Gerry DiNardo Says:

    “Take the fall, Act Hurt, Get indignant”- District 5
    I can almost see Gerald Henderson’s dad storming into the locker room and taking his kid with because he didn’t give up overtime pay to watch his son cheat. Cake Eaters.

  15. evan Says:

    I hate to defend anyone that has ever played for Duke, but Redick and Hurley were at least good. Paulus is not. He is a shaky ball-handler, a defensive liability, a bad shooter, and painfully slow. There is no reason why Mike Patrick should jizz on his microphone each time he does anything, other than pure man-love.

  16. claywhitenack Says:

    I hate duke as much as the next guy, but I don’t see the big deal with these clips. Reed was clearly “giving him the business” down in the pile, and deserved the technical.

    I think if that was Bradley at the bottom of that pile we’d have a much different attitude about it.

  17. TheBigBooyah Says:

    It is kinda weird though how it ALWAYS happens to Duke, yet its never their fault. Especially with Mike Patrick, Bilas, and Vitale announcing it.

  18. bleedingblu Says:

    I guess the fag looking P gets to kick players away and that’s a legal play during rebounding. I hate Duke as much or more than you. The only time I ever turn it to a game w/them is when they are getting beat and I love to watch a good puke beatdown. My wife can’t stand to watch them w/ me. Every time they get the usual no calls or bad calls against the other team I start cussing and punching at the tv. I know I know real grown up.

  19. turkeyblue Says:

    #16. You definitely didn’t see the same thing everyone else saw - Paulus swinging hard at Reed on the rebound, falling to the floor, rolling over kicking and screaming
    (like Opie Taylor’s friend who had his bike taken by Andy), and then when Reed, who
    I admit was not in the right, touched him on his neck area, he grabs his nose
    like he was punched. And after a couple of replays, that clearly showed what I
    just described, the announcers didn’t say a thing about over reacting? C’mon.
    It reminded my of Wojo and Jamal M, and the famous arching of the back rolling
    on the floor incident.

  20. claywhitenack Says:

    18, it isn’t legal. I didn’t see the game, but I’m told P got a technical too.

    Now, there’s no question the announcing was biased, at least by Patrick, but my point is that FSU was not innocent.

    Yeah, maybe P over-reacted, but the bottom line is that Reid deserved what he got.

  21. claywhitenack Says:

    #19, I hate that you are putting me in a position to defend Duke, but what I saw was this:

    Physical play by both teams. A lack of self control by both teams.

    I see what could be considered a foul by Paulus on Reed during the rebound, and scramble for the ball. I see the whistle being blown and Swann (#3) continuing to play for the loose ball and knocking Paulus getting knocked in the jaw. I see Paulus’s over-reaction to that and him kicking Swann (which he was called for a technical). Then I see Reed come in and throw punch. What would the proper call be?

    Are you saying that there are situations where a player is justified for throwing a punch?

  22. bigbluenyc Says:

    couldn’t agree more with claywhitenack. i’ve hated duke back when it wasn’t fashionable (early 90s), but now everybody piles for anything questionable.

    like the truly detestable Collins or Wojo before him, Paulus certainly looks the part, but had that been Ramel, we’d be singing another tune, not bitchin’ about Patrick’s call.

    if you are going to hate Duke, find a good reason. god knows there are plenty.

  23. wyldkatzky Says:

    Enjoy your time in Florida State Chris Singleton!

  24. Pokey Chapman Says:

    Not up to yesterdays lofty standards Intern. I am sure you were still high after yesterdays feedback but you might want to think about quality not quantitiy (and watch that puctuation).
    Paulus is this years Joakim Noah and I think IU -1 tonight is the lock of the year.

  25. gatoferoz Says:

    is there some type of new news about uk and hobson? supposedly mm is reporting that uk has made some type of decision about their future relationship.

  26. monstermash Says:

    #7 I couldn’t agree more, Mike Patrick is Duke biased, period. He loves Duke and protects their players while announcing, listening to him do a Duke game is nearly as painful as hearing Billy Packer do a Cats game, Filth!
    I hate Paulus, too

  27. al Says:

    21: except there was no punch thrown.

  28. claywhitenack Says:

    No punch thrown? Ok, what would you call it?

  29. TheBigBooyah Says:

    just because a punch didn’t land doesn’t mean one wasn’t thrown.

  30. TheBigBooyah Says:

    now that’s funny

  31. claywhitenack Says:

    #29 - exactly. #27 - watch the replay again. The overhead view shows it all. Whether he made contact or not is irrelevant.

  32. TBoogie Says:

    It wasn’t a punch, it was a loose ball, under a minute to go, in a game that had been close throughout. If Reed throws a “punch,” then Paulus throws a f*cking “dragon kick.”

    It was a scrappy, hardnosed play by Fla State (one that we’d be applauding if it was Joe C or AJ), and Paulus turned it into a freaking Italian soccer game.

  33. catfan7x Says:

    Unfortunately, I watched this crapfest live. My brother and I were wondering who, from Durham, had polished the knobs of the officials before the game. After further review it is evident that Paulus has been passed around like a bong backstage at a Wu-Tang Clan show. There is no player in D-1 who deserves a good case of oral gonorrhea more than Paulus. And it is a matter of time before he gets it. What a prick.

  34. Atticus Says:

    I hate Duke as much as anyone and more than most, but the original article/post/whatever by Intern was amateurish at best. With all the things to hate and analyze, we get great analysis like “Paulus is a vag and Coach K is a bitch.” Give me a break. Coach K is a hall of famer. And, I don’t think you need Coach K’s practice to see the bitchery installed. This article already oozed bitchery!

  35. LeBowlingAlley Says:

    I must say, i wouldn’t mind have Singler on our team. He may be the only Duke player I like ever. But he’s still got a couple of years to ruin that reputation.

    Paulus really is Wojo Pt. II.

  36. carolinacat Says:

    Incredible. On the 2nd exchange, the punk Paulus clearly takes a shot at an FSU player and then duss the
    vag fall.

  37. The Truth Says:

    Intern, do you tie your lack of promotions,to your hatred for a Gay only schools?

    Signed,

    Concerned Intern Fan

  38. The Truth Says:

    Will someone please take away my name, The real Truth out there is tired of my lame-ass post in his name.

  39. The Truth Says:

    AT some point I”m goin to taint the Truths name.

  40. The Truth Says:

    Does anyone think that someone who post 5 times in a row, should blow their head off

  41. The Truth Says:

    Me too.

  42. The Truth Says:

    Doh

  43. The Truth Says:

    Internet is uncensored

  44. The Truth Says:

    Why ol’ Why did the almighty Tubby leave.

  45. ukrick Says:

    The lovefest with dUKe by ESPN and CBS analysts is absolutely sickening.

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